Matrimonial Mish-mashes - Part VI

Yes, the journey continues….

Most saddening moment: 

The repeated use of the word ‘fair’ for partner preference. Sad..really… if people really judge girls by the colour of their skin… 

No wonder fairness creams sell so much in our country

Most amusing moment:

Comment by a guy describing his family:

“My family is very friendly than me…I think.”  (!!! )

Make up your mind, doofus! And then create your profile
Most annoying moment(s):

Relatives who ask: Hmm we heard your marriage is almost fixed. 

When you politely deny it, they turn sympathetic. “It’s ok…I am sure a good guy will come for you soon…be brave. We’ll pray for you.”

HUH??? 

What makes them assume I am downing anti-depression pills for that??? Did I meet with an accident and am fighting for my life for them to pray for me??? Actually they should be saying that once the marriage is fixed…and offer prayers…FOR THE GUY who comes to marry me!!

My dad drove me nuts for the last 2 proposals that came my way.

Morning he talks to me: Did they call?
Me: No dad, there is time yet. You only gave them my number YESTERDAY!

Evening: Did they call?

Me (sigh): NO dad it’s a working day…even if they did call I wouldn’t have had a chance to properly interact with them.

Next day morning: Did they or did they not?

Me: Aaaaaaaaaaaaargghhh!!!

So much so that I felt like calling up the guy and slapping him for not calling – not for my sake, but just to keep my dad quiet!

In fact even worse was my dad’s obsession to connect everything I do to getting married.
I have a habit of occasionally talking in a kid’s voice…when I try to be cute…usually with my parents or bro only. When he hears it, he says: Don’t do that, people will get wrong impression of you!!

I try my usual mimicry and antics and comments that is part and parcel of me and he goes: Stop being a joker! What will people think of your image???

OMG!!! By the end of it I was ready to be admitted to a mental asylum!

On hearing this one of my friends helpfully suggested: You are already mental…then what difference does it make?!!!!

I am touched that my friend knows me so well…really!

Considering the number of proposals that have been coming in, I am really feeling like a chicken being chased all over the compound by different people (relatives/parents) before being captured and taken for slaughter!!!

Question that was once asked to me: Do you mind if the guy has very close girl buddies?

I laughed. In today’s day and age, if the guy does NOT have any female buddies, THEN I would have reason to worry!!

Most grin-worthy moment (“I have a dream”):

In my last MM post – anybody who has read it will not forget my rockstar grandfather  

Continuing on those lines, while I was in Kerala, my grandpa narrated this to me. “I had a dream,” he said.

Me: Of getting me married??

G: No, literally. I had a dream. That you got married.

Me: What!! How? When?? 

G: Some days back. I dreamt that you called me up. And told me you are in love with an industrialist from Mumbai whom you met through work. And that you know your parents won’t agree so you are going to elope with him. 

Me: Huh?! 

G: Arre listen na! So you call me up. And I panic. I tell you to wait. Then I catch the next flight to Mumbai, call your uncle who lives in Mumbai, for company. We both take you to the temple and get you married to the guy.
Me: What?!! 

G (grinning): So after the marriage, both you and the guy go to his home. He has a widowed mother, who receives you both with open arms.

By this time my uncle doubled over with laughter saying: Very convenient dream…less number of parents to deal with! 

My grandpa passed him a dirty look and continued: So then there is the task of meeting your parents. I quickly slip away from the scene leaving that to you!

Me (smirk evident on face): Brilliant! 

G (continuing as if I haven’t commented at all): So you and the guy go to Delhi yourselves. It’s a working day and your dad is getting busy to go to work.

Uncle: Wow! Talk about attention to detail ! 

G: And then you walk in through the door, call out to dad. Your mom is surprised, your dad is shell-shocked. Both you and the guy fall at his feet. Your dad finally ends up blessing you both and accepting everything!

WOW!!!
Bollywood filmi ishtyle !!! 

Now if only such a filmi ishtory would come true for me…! I atleast have my grandpa prodding me in the right direction! 

…. 

Those of who read my last session will also remember the eventful photo session that took place. Every man/woman should go through this kind of a photo session at some point of time in life – just to understand the torture behind it – so that they won’t ever feel like letting their kids go through this. 

Or who knows? I may be assuming things…my kids probably would be after my own life to get their portfolio/modelling sessions done – quite likely in swim-trunks and biknis!!! I hope I don’t live long enough to see that!  

Most eyebrowing raising moment so far:

There is a guy’s profile…which has expressed interest in me four times (over the past 3 years) when, early on, my parents had a dummy profile of mine put in to check how the whole matrimonial website system works. The profile lists the guy as the best thing to be discovered on earth since sliced bread, that he is a learned guy (taken Ph.D), is all rounder with interests in sports, music, drama and whatnot. His parents apparently put up the profile and they are on the lookout for a girl for him and lists it as (I am NOT exaggerating) “a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity” to get married to a guy like this.

My question being: If he really is that fantastic: why is he not married yet?

And I fail to understand why people give lengthy descriptions in the profile of how a guy looks: tall, good looking (I’ll be the judge of that, thank you!), well built, fair etc. etc. when I can anyway make that out by clicking on his picture! Sheesh!!

One among the many weird moments: 

Met up with an old school friend after ages. He was telling me the story of one of our common friends who got engaged recently. (Sheesh! Even guys in our batch are beating me!!)

He apparently saw the girl playing with some babies and that somehow connected to the mental image he had of his future and hence fell for her. 

My friend goes: It’s like Hrithik Roshan seeing Aishwarya Rai playing with cute rabbits in that scene in Jodha Akbar and his heart goes flip flop coz he associates her with things that he is not. 

I looked bewildered. Now where from do I arrange for a truckload of babies and rabbits when the guy comes to see me??!

Most frustrating moment:

Dad: The idea combination for a guy’s qualifications (as per my perception) is Engineering degree plus MBA

Me: Dad, there’s no such thing as ideal in these kind of situations. Plus I never did engineering OR MBA. So how you can judge that?

Dad: I judge that as useless…you did two no-good degrees!

HUH??? 

P.S: My cousin (8 months elder to me) has just gotten engaged. The marriage got fixed in all of 2 weeks. Proposal comes, guy n girl start interacting with each other couple of times, families meet…by end of 2 weeks…fast forward to engagement. They barely know each other. Plus it is registered as court marriage so that the guy can take her passport and visa papers and by the time he comes down next for the marriage 4 months later, her visa will be ready and she can leave immediately. I know it sounds practical…but is it only me or does it sound scary also??

P.P.S: Even worse, my dad now goes like: She said yes in one meeting. Why cant you????

Eeeeaaayaaaghhh!!! * Heads for the hills*

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